BECOMING A CHOCOHOLIC ON PURPOSE

beverage_nestle_nesquik_chocolate

So my last post detailed my own personal Forbidden Food List that I have now given myself unconditional permission to eat (see https://endingthewar.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/unconditional-permission-to-eat/).  And, I started with the first three items on my list: chocolate milk, E.L. Fudge Cookies, and brownies, well, one at a time actually.  I absolutely love dark chocolate, the rich, gooey, need-to-inhale-a-glass-of-milk-with kind of chocolate.  Chocolate milk has always been my first love, but I never used to buy it because I could never stop with one glass.  So, I knew it had to be number one on the list.

I went to Costco and bought a very large can of Nesquik chocolate milk mix and enough gallons of milk that I barely had room in the refrigerator.  At first, I drank glass after glass and had to physically fight back all of the feelings of shame that came with each glass.  But, I kept reminding myself that over and over and over—like hundreds of times in one day—that I wanted to change, that I wasn’t going to feel shame for drinking chocolate milk.  My mantras sounded something like this: “I want to change.  I don’t want this anymore.  I don’t have to be ashamed.  I am not going to be ashamed.”  And, I would say them hundreds of times in one day, before I had a glass of milk, after each sip, and when I finished.  It didn’t take me long to finish that first can of Nesquik milk mix so I got a second, and a third.

It took me almost three weeks of having at least three glasses (and I mean, 22oz glasses) of chocolate milk a day to finally feel like I had had enough.  I soon realized that I only wanted a glass with breakfast each morning.  And now, I have Nesquik milk mix that has sat in my pantry for days without being touched, because I have moved on to other forbidden foods.  And one of the most surprising things is that even after I moved on to another food on the list and haven’t had chocolate milk in a considerable time, I still do not feel the need to have it and I do not binge on it when I decide to have it.

The hardest part about eating these forbidden foods is dealing with weight gain, which is the subject of my next post, so stay tuned!

4 thoughts on “BECOMING A CHOCOHOLIC ON PURPOSE

  1. Bravo! I admire your brass tacks approach! I don’t know that I would have had it in me. You are a go-getter! Congrats on becoming okay with chocolate milk 🙂

    • Thanks for the compliments! I appreciate you taking the time to visit my blog and comment! Blessings to you and your journey!

  2. Your journey is so inspiring to me. I recently have felt like I was going backwards in my own IE journey, and reading your thoughts on the forbidden foods makes me really think that I didn’t do enough in that regard. I definitely didn’t make a list. Thank you for helping me uncover this so I can revisit this step and truly give myself permission. I have been unconsciously restricting for some time and I feel like it finally clicked! (I had coffee with real sugar yesterday for a start. Amazing.)

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so glad that you were able to benefit from my post. The forbidden food thing and unconditional permission is a very difficult thing so I am so happy that you are going to give it another try. Congrats on the real sugar; if you were able to have the coffee with no extra helping of shame, then I bet it was one of the best cups of coffee you have had in a long time! Blessings and come visit again.

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